Friday, December 24, 2010

Gibberish, gabberish

Gibberish, gabberish
Make sure you wash your dishes
Beware of fishes having business meetings
With pieces of licorice

Feast your peepers on preachers making funny speeches
On the importance of mentally-impaired alcoholic leeches
They both teach us of the arrogance of venomous creatures

A stapler having sex with a piece of paper
Would be funny
Perhaps their babies would be envelopes
Filled with foreign money?

Have you ever seen a fascist, racist, rapist, doner kebab?
I once saw one running down the street, sexually molesting a yellow cab
He tripped on an obese eel that was sunbaking on the pavement
Meanwhile a gay platypus in high heels watched the scene in amazement

Nibble, Kibble, Dribble, Quibble
Young liberals salivate at the sight
Of a nude nun trying to get a tan by moonlight at midnight

A sycophantic apple with nihilistic intention
Can still be interested in the presidential election

Chicken licking should be banned
In my humble opinon
Energy would be better channelled
Crying about the state of onions

Spend, lend, mend, fend, defend your enemies friends
Im so sad, not really, they're crocodile tears

I think this is the


Monday, December 20, 2010

The wall will fall down

One day the wall will fall down..

A scream like the sound of spoiled apples hitting concrete
A lust like a bee sting to the eye
A breath like the air pushed by a door slamming shut in the face of a jehovah’s witness
Asking for your time

There are so so many spies with two eyes
And one mouth
They’ll make you lock up your house
And denounce
Your weapons, your rights and your town

But one day the wall will fall down…

Friday, December 17, 2010

The Longing

A beautiful woman
A window
Lightly frosted
Like a cake
Not as if for a wedding or some other
Formal declaration of any particular importance
But something to be consumed
On a blustery autumn afternoon

And consume it she does

Cold air stalks the wet ground outside

But inside
So warm
Lonelyness and melancholia may have paid a visit
But nonetheless
She is still warm

What she waits for is moot
The elegance of her anticipation itself
Conveys the beauty of natural rhythm and cadence and
The longing of soft light and shadows
And downright poetry

More than a hundred romantics
Writing a thousand earnest love-notes
For a million years
Using nothing but blood and tears for ink

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Therefore I BOUNCED...

I hung briefly with this girly-girl girl who occasionally
and seemingly randomly
had problems with PDA's
(Public Displays of Affection if you didn’t know)

this issue was only an issue when she wanted it to be
the vast majority of the time she was most happy
to hug and cop a feel
(And I'm always happy to cop the feel)
and kiss


sometimes I'd grab her and she would all of a sudden
turn into a blushing 1930's-style-damsel with modesty issues

I couldn't work it out

but eventually the suspicion sneaked up on me
it wasn't me

it was her
or more accurately
it was a friend of hers

she was a lot more reserved when he happened to be around

the two obviously had a history
and her and I didn't really

in fact

I was a rebound

And therefore I BOUNCED...

Monday, December 6, 2010

Give us melanin or give us death!

Egg yoke sunny rays of light
Drip from the sky

While the earth waits hungrily.
The horizon squints and
The ocean glints.

The sand sits, stunned.
The shade sulks, shunned.

And the sun strokes
The backs of the pleasure seeking leisure folk

Who wait expectantly
At the edges of the sea
In a dazed and hazy reverie.

"Give us melanin or give us death!"
They scream defiantly.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Not quite out of reach

The flowers on the other side of a chained-up fence
are really no more valuable that those that are
more readily accessible..


a small-child
a bored-teenager
a drunk-adult

will tear their clothes
to grab that thing that is nearly
but not quite

out of reach.

Saturday, November 27, 2010


The pipe’s gone black
The ice has melted
The eyes roll back
Hyper hocus pocus
The buzz of an angry locust

Rock and roll down the street
A 280 bpm heartbeat

Count the sheep
As they jump the fencing
After 1500
Give up and take more medicine

Friday, November 26, 2010


Watch out for the cougars tonite my son
Theyre female pride on the prowl

And theyre out and about on the town
Snarls and scowls
Gnarly growls

There were three in my living room not fifteen minutes ago
Doing lines on the table
________________________ .
And trying to get their story’s out first

Extra, extra, Ive got more to say than you
Anyway its all old news but

Now theyre out
And the point is if you’re a sexy c.u.b.
Keep an eye out in the pub

They want to share the carcass
of fleeting youth with you

And after mauling that beast to the ground
And ripping its throat out with your teeth

Its satisfying to share the kill and watch the blood drip from their jaws as they feast.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

luxury tax

Everyones worn out in my house.
When everyone lives late
The days get longer and longer///

Until all of a sudden you havent slept for two days
And sleep has a luxury tax that you cant afford///


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

And thats that.

She looks good in soft lighting…

I‘ll give her that.

She purses her lips in that way that lets you know

That that’s that.

And that’s that.

You could sit and think about

The symbolism of the grin of the Cheshire cat

Or maybe a smile’s just a smile

Not part of any allegory

Just another piece of that

Part of the story we leave out

As if it’s a given

She looks good in soft lighting…

But you can tell she’s a hard woman.

Sunday, November 21, 2010


I want a pretty little kitten to play with
I want her to purr when I stroke her
I want my presence alone to excite her
I want to buy her little trinkets to play with
Balls of string, fake plastic mice
Or if I am being more honest
Perfume and jewelry and surprise trips to the movies
or dinner somewhere nice
The problem with felines is
Its hard to find out whether or not they
really love you
or whether you are just a plaything

or a source of food..

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

On this fine day

Another day stuck in the office chair
working on my vacant stare.

"How you going man?"

He says politely.

"Oh, I'm getting there."

I'm getting there but really, really, really, slowly.

An assistant in a shop says: "Can I help you?"

I say: "Blow me."

That's an accurate summation of my thoughts and feelings on this fine day
I'm looking forward to tomorrow, today was somewhat of a throwaway.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Why the West is Wild

My city is full of metrosexual rednecks
They preen and cavort with retromullets and bizmos
They babble of dabbling in chemicals

Of course only specific ones

They haggle over obsolete gizmos
Beeping and bleeping and flashing like UFO's

We want to isolate ourselves from the rest
And cheat our IQ and drug tests
We want to be the best for LESS
We want to be more west than THE WEST

We want to make Texans look like New Yorkers
Make too-cool-for-school clothes mules look like STALKERS
Selling their eager stares and product-filled hair like Arabian HAWKERS

And when I say we,
I mean I
And when I say I,
I mean me

All ourselves are selfish souls
Seeking karmic wealth in the land of plenty

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


When an absence becomes a presence
A teardrop can become an ocean

And a man could swim forever
Never finding dry land
Or even shallow water where
The bottom could be seen

To avoid love is to remain dry
And men are suited for life on dry land

But water is needed by men simply to live.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

my eyes are bigger than my stomach

i am a child with my hand in the biscuit tin
occasionally i need someone to grab my hand and
slap my face and say:

" stay out of there, you've had more than enough!"

i should be old enough for this
to be understood but
i have learning difficulties

my bed is full of crumbs and though
i shake my sheets out every morning
the late night snacks I persist with
fill the bed back up with crumbs immediately
and make any efforts I make to conceal my habit
completely pointless

the crumbs make me itch like crazy
and my skin is too soft
to withstand all the scratching

biscuits are getting more expensive these days
and i am supposed to be saving my pocket money
so i really am trying to get used
to snacking on carrot sticks and celery

but theyre just not as yummy...

Friday, January 22, 2010

The Dark

...the night slithers towards her

wrapping her arms tightly around herself
she plays the roles of both
distressed maiden and burly protector

and despite her tiny frame
she plays both with equal aplomb

staring with quiet strength and steely defiance
into the creeping, leering darkness
she glares straight at the sharp, crooked teeth
displayed haphazardly in its maw of a mouth

she shivers and bites her lip
takes a deep breath and says:

"Im not scared of you anyway!"

flicks the switch
and the light comes on.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


It must be a genetic memory

buried deep in my dna

an inherited aesthetic

something to do with arrangement and structure

unexplainable by human words

and as inevitable as entropy

but the bottom line is

I cant keep my eyes off her bones.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Animal (jungle fever)

on an island filled with jungle
we were prowling the beaten track
swatting mosquitos
the heat made me swell
and it made you melt

and it made us both


we detoured into a clearing
surrounded by coconut trees
we husked ourselves

I pawed and lapped at your fur
while you took my tail in your mouth and
and gorged

then we stumbled out back into the wet air
and the sun
and joined the rest of the animals

years later when I heard what you did
through friends
and crazy stories in the newspaper
I always remembered that you

were obviously
even back then
an Animal.

tops (no rest for the wicked)

about 1:30 we find ourselves on the corner of little whatever and something or other street. doormen everywhere are telling us we cant get in cos we're not attractive females and we dont have attractive females with us, which is fair enough and it IS something that we deserve to be penalized for. .. so we're thinking what we should do and im trying to rouse some troops and theyre acting too drunk sleepy and non-committal to my plans of finding and looting the ultimate utopian bar filled with drunken nymphomaniac women for my liking, but what can you do?

there are about five girls standing on the same corner we're on. there all a bit cute and ones crazy cute. the crazy cute one says: "do you know where the something or other bar is. I say no, havent lived in this city for all that long. I ask them if they'd like to be attractive females and help us get into the last damn bar we were trying to get into. ok, they say so we cross the road and walk to the lounge, which is a niceish bar, although bogan and I say:

"look here, noble doorkeep, as agreed, I have brought a bevy of fair maidens to this den of opulence and ale that you so valiantly guard, please open the doors my good man, that we may lead these fair maidens in and consume what we will!"

or something like that, my memory is a bit hazy.

he says: no.

fuck you man, I say to myself, but not to him, as Im getting my smooth and polite young man on tonite. crazy cute says: do you guys wanna go to tramp? youll like it, its a stripclub, bit crazier than your standard one too.. going to to a stripclub with a group of beautiful women can be quite a nice night out in my experience, so yes please is my answer.

at this point I realise that my mate has skived off, he got too drunk and did the phantom fade into a taxi and off to his hotel for beddy byes.

I hope that sleep was worth it, man..

love recession

Economist Peter Backus says
his chances of finding true love are 1 in 285,000
the formula he uses is called the Drake Equation
it takes into account the number of women he will ever meet
who share his interests
appeal to him sexually
and have the right body chemistry

and of course they must also find him equally appealing
sexually and otherwise

no shit

So, verbatim, he says:

"The good news for singles is, its probably not your fault."

(Disclaimer: If instead of someone reliant on the outcome of the Drake Equation, you were as rich and successful a man as the rapper Drake, you would have more than 285,000 single women trying to rape you on a daily basis.)


To get laid and loved, be an r&b rapper, not an economist.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

dietary gay pussy LetItBeatles (William H Burroughs has been reincarnated in my inbox)

eqqos lol I'm just playing babe, your cookies are enough MarcHustvedt streamys buzz brewing on nbc LA: I'll pass word on to the team Take a look at the beloved children Jordan Morris In this one, I meet Megan Fox and behave oddly ride sucks monkey nuts and twidroid is no better, what other options do I have coreyaubuchon because of people saying "I wish my awesome iPhone wasn't on super lame AT&T"
Persistence: Failing your way to success Quote of the day: Follow YFame the dude is a beast, Im gonna let him bless my beautiful tracks,he didnt ask me to do this, yall just need to Rocky2Real nothing much dude, just chilling on it tryna decide if I wanna make some music or chill with this female, hmmmm FreeMyBroAngel worldsthickestbook "how to put incantations in your songs and make them sound cool and hip" by Rihanna Wow, only 92 this Sunday

Sunday, January 10, 2010

tease (what you want to do)

Fuck the beautiful loser
What you want to do is be the ugly winner
Ignore the flick of the lighter
Moisturise and make a date with the sun

Duck the dutiful boozer
What you want to do is free the upbeat singer
Abhor the cliques and the violence
Hoist your mind up and pray but only for fun

Luck is due to the loser
What you want to do is see the unseen glimmer
Score the pick of the riot
Foist your kind upon the hatred filled ones

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

xanaxia nervosa

sometimes you are damned if you do and you are damned if you dont.

and you are damned if you do and then dont.

take the thing the man with the white coat gives you for the thing that obstructs your id, forces you to have to see a man with a white coat and instills in you a need that you didnt have before


dont take the thing the man with the white coat gives you and let your id be obstructed


take the thing, have your id unobstructed whilst the thing is active and


like breadcrumbs
when the need to not feel like you are
the only human on earth who is aware of its own death takes

you from the clutches of beauty and understanding to

hell slowly fucking you
as if you disgust them


xanaxia nervosa